Tried to play last night but couldn't really... Heard a song on the radio that freaked me out... It was called Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day. It reminded me too much of my life and how I feel right now.

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If you haven't heard it before, here's the lyrics:

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone an' I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines what's
Fucked up and everything's all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone an I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I walk alone an' I walk a

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

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I am depressed, I know this. Not suicidal depressed but depressed none the less... It sucks, especially at this time of year. Putting on a façade when I'm around my relatives... I'm pretty well off and there are others who have it worse than me. I know this.

This is not a cry for help, this is more educational. For those out there that read this... I used to have depression back in highschool but I haven't had a relapse in a long time... I think my friends death set it off again. I just need to cope with it and deal till I overcome it. I'll probably be moody and please forgive me if I act rash towards you.

Reason I put this in the FFXI section instead of the RL section is because I still can't decide if I'll be quitting at the end of the year or not. I'll make sure to update everyone about what's going on... :|

Much love for everyone,

Yummy Love aka Chris

Dude, do yourself a favor and quit. You've been a mess for a really long time now and I think it's just time you stopped playing the game to just get things together in your life. The thing about games like this is that it eats up so much of your time that you focus harder on actual meaningful events in real life. I've lost my share of friends (eight total, all to car accidents involving drunk driving) so I do know the sort of pain you feel there. But you have to realize, there's a time to mourn and a time to move on. By continuing to play this game, you're just going to get more and more depressed because you won't have come to terms with what happened.

So anyway, seriously. You should go find your peace in reality, because you won't find solace in a game.

seriously, i dont like to see ppl go, but if your real life is that fucked up, maybe you should jes move on, i mean i duno if quitting would help any. but bringin others down wont help

Wow that was totally ... unnecessary. maybe if it brings you down so much to hear about others' misfortune you should examine your own life? :/

Yummy, I don't really know you or your situation so maybe I don't have any business posting here, but I've been awake all night (playing ff, what else) so maybe you can forgive me >_>;

I've lost more than a few friends in recent years as well... this game offered a great escape... a chance to meet new people and be in a totally immersive and fun game. (well, most of the time) It's easy to say, just quit... but how many of us really could just go and cancel our account tomorrow? Is it bad to be this involved in a game? Definitely, but that doesn't make it easy to just pick up and leave. The people in the game are what make it both so great, and so stressful at times :/ I don't really know what to tell you besides maybe to suggest getting out more, doing things that you "used" to do.. . even if that is play other games on PS2 or something, it's still a step in the right direction. Try to do constructive things to feel better, even if they are small things. Listen to music that makes you happy or reminds you of happy stuff.. for god sakes don't listen to green day ; ) Well I know these are probably stupid suggestions but I wanted to throw em out there and let you know that many people are in the same, or similar situation as you. Take care and good luck in whatever you decide.

ok time for me to sleep >_>;

Yummy, i cant really say i know how you feel, everyone's wound goes deeper then some might think.
I lived with my mother alone just the two of us for 14 yeahs, these years i was still in brazil as when we decided to come here.
My father lived here (U.S.) since i was born so i didnt know him at all, and therefore he was really a stranger to me.
One year after we moved my mother passed away, so i was with this guy for a year and i barely knew him.
2 Years later my best friend gets ranned over by a drunken driver and 8 months after that one of my other really good friends dies in an accident.

What i'm trying to say is, dont let things get in the way of your happiness, from my experience staying away from people you have good relations with doesnt help. I have been through quite a lot, and frankly i have gone depressed suicidal mode. Its not easy and in now way i'm telling you what to do, but staying away from talking, laughing and getting your mind off the tragic occurence wont help.
You shouldnt quit IMO, you have friends here i'm sure, and maybe you should really consider just taking a break.

My thoughts only, no need to flame.

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Yummy, I wish I could say something to you to make you feel better but no words can help change what has happened. All I can tell you is time is the best remedy. You will feel better...

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Excuse me for thinking people might care... Ike you can go fuck yourself.

I never once in that post asked for pity, never once asked for help or opinions... I just said it's to let people know. I even stated that in the post. So yea... my opinion of Ike just hit rock bottom.

Thank you, you inconsiderate prick.


P.S. Everyone else thank you for the kind words.

Yummu, keep your chin up and keep things together for your sake =]

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99 BLM . 75 mnk . 75 nin . 75 pld . 75 war . 48 rng . 41 rdm . 37 thf . 37 drk . 37 sam . 37 brd . 35 bst . 23 whm . 10 pup . 7 blu
http://www.myspace.com/hccmike

Yummy, don't quit... I can't say that I know how you feel, because I don't. But I can say that I have felt similar to what I'm reading on this thread. What I'm trying to say is this.. When I felt like this I didn't quit. Instead I came back to FFXI and did the things I enjoyed most. For about a month I logged on only to talk the two people that kept me playing, and I thank them for that. So once again, don't quit.. Try doing what I did, do the things you most enjoy, and ignore the things that you don't like. I hope this has helped even in the slightest bit.. Gl with your struggles

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Yummy, I can't tell you to quit or not since this is your game, your life. But one thing I can say is without a real life, there won't be any fun in game. If you can really get things off your mind while you play game then maybe you should stay. But if playing game just make you more stress out, frustrated then you should quit. You might not need to quit completed but a complete break will help you.

I've quitted FFXI for 3 months, I can really say I don't regret with the decision I've made. I do miss my friends from time to time, but I really don't miss the game at all. I miss the good times I had with my perm, I miss their jokes, silly actions, etc. But it's just like other games I've played. You have to move on. I keep in touch with most of my good EQ buddies and I am surprised over the years, we are still good friends just like when we still played EQ.

Anyways, I hope you feel better soon. Time is the best medicine when it comes to your situation. Hang in there.

Yummy, seriously, I do know how you feel. I've dealt with deep depression, mostly after High School since then I've recovered but I know what your going through. I've tried to talk to you about it but I don't think you wanted to hear it from me. I'm going to have to agree with Rein on this one though, you need a serious break from the game. For some this is an escape but for you it only seems to compound the stress you already have. I hate suggesting that a person I respect to leave the game but I'd rather have you healthy in real life than be in game.

Ike, that comment was way uncool...

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75PLD 66RDM 50WAR
Rank 10 Bastok | Rank 10 Windurst | Rank 10 San d'Oria

*Psst* Ike, I know you'd like to help, but this isn't a thread where that kind of input has any sort of value.

Furthermore quitting the game won't solve your problems, but it might help. Usually to alleviate depression a change in scenery or life style choices/habits is needed. I felt like shit all through High School, but since moving to college I've been feeling so much better. Anyhow, I don't know you as a person or your habits "irl" that could be influencing depression, but I would ask that you seriously think about the factors in your life and focus on what you can change.

Take care.

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Retired 8/21/06
Don't click this link.

/hug Yummy. I know from personal experience it's hard to come out and say stuff like this but I also know that it helps. If putting on a facade is bothering you, try to let your relatives be there for you too. You have friends in this community, but your family knows your life history and can help in ways we can't.

As far as quitting, if the game is causing you stress or depression, then consider at least taking a break. This is supposed to be fun, a diversion that we look forward to spending our free time doing. If it's not fun anymore, then go out and do something that sounds fun.

I've taken 3 long breaks from the game and I always feel much better when I come back. Getting away gives me a different perspective, focuses the measuring stick of how much importance I give to accomplishments and/or squabbles in game versus things out of game.

Take care Yummy whatever decisions you make and know there are lots of people here for you to talk to if you need a cheering up or just someone to vent your thoughts.

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FateSealers
http://www.honeyed-words.com

i am sorry yummy, i was on the phone when i posted that and i didnt get to finnish my sentence! . . . i will never post here while on the phone again. i didnt mean to say that ;_; i am sorry they way it turned out, i didnt mean to say that at all. leme finnish what i was gona type

briging others down wont help you. i think you can sort out your problems, and im sure everything will be ok. though im sure you will never forgive me for my typo but i would be sad to see you go, i think you should really stay or take a short break, but dont leave for good

i hope you can understand my mistake, but i was only trying to help. thats what i do, try and help ppl. but in this case it doesnt look like i did a good job. please understand yummy that talking on the phone and posting in the forums is like drinking and driving for me