Are jokes dead? I've never been good at telling/remembering jokes, I've always just been better at sarcasm. But I'm reading a book currently called "Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understand Philosophy Through Jokes." And it reminded me of how awesome jokes are. I'm just wondering if you guys have any jokes you tell regularly or ones that you just like.

Here's a few from the book. They all correspond to different philosophical theories... but even out of context they're pretty good.

1. Jews don't recognize Jesus
Protestants don't recognize the pope
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

2. An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guiness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."
The man says, "Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd all drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me."
The bartender is touched, and says, "What a great custom!"
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way.
One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and a silence fall over the bar. When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, "Please accept my condolences, pal."
The Irishman says, "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I just joined the Mormon Church, and I had to quit drinking."


ok... so maybe they're not so great out of context, but dammit the book is funny! Any other jokes?

The mormon joke was funny lool

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Job 10: 20
The mikey's have a plan. Djay isn't all powerful.

Jokes aren't dead but you're defining joke in its very most limited capacity.

I'm never good at telling jokes more than a few sentences long, but its stand-up month on Comedy Central, and they have some pretty funny guys on midday.

i can usually come up with some good material on my own. However its usually at my expense.

Meaning i make fun of myself.

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Job 10: 20
The mikey's have a plan. Djay isn't all powerful.

Jokes only die when they stop being told. Long jokes usually aren't very good re-told so I try to keep them short and sweet.

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.

and, most importantly,

Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

next:

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: ``My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.''
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: ``Do you like potato pancakes?'' She says ``No,'' and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, ``Do you have a brother?'' Again, the girl says ``No'' and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: ``If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?''

NEXT:

http://yarrthepirate.com/v-web/bulletin ... php?t=6069

THE GREATEST JOKE EVER TOLD!!!

TL;DR

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better nate than lever

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I do that in person. I have funny stories of embarssing things I've done, that really have to be acted out for the full effect.

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Worst joke ever. Whoever wrote that should be shot

............


Someone decided to have a costume party, but it had a theme: the guests had to dress up as feelings.

..............as the guests are arriving, one walks up to the front door. He has an erection with a tire hanging off of it.

...

The host is appalled, "What the hell are you dressed as?"



[spoiler]I'm fuckin despair[/spoiler]

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Some stories can't be told with words, some legends are meant to die

haaaaah! thats awsome.

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FFXI - Yurichan: 75THF(Ret) / SC2 - Lawncare / XBOX - Zombie Sharks / PS3 - Zombie_Sharks

I think better Nate than lever deserved better than the 5th reply.

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[In Yarr we trust.]

15 out of 17 of Dmitry's last posts:



GOOD POSTS SIR

you actually spent the time to search his posts... just to call him out on it?

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FFXI - Yurichan: 75THF(Ret) / SC2 - Lawncare / XBOX - Zombie Sharks / PS3 - Zombie_Sharks

He typed them all out too (or maybe he cut and pasted them). However, he didn't see Cloverfield by himself.

YES! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN TOO

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

[spoiler]See you next month.[/spoiler]

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