here's new shit:
drunk at the bar again, she wasn't impressed.
holyfuckingshitit'sadinosaur
lolmandragon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Shell Zine" Project. S'ok so, I have this friend Michelle, who has recently moved to Florida. She's pretty homesick and hasn't made a lot of new friends down there and misses NY and shit. So, I've been working on a care package to send to her to cheer her up and make her feel special. Amongst other accoutrements I'm including a mini zine with artwork, some personal poems and letters as well as a few passages/poems/letters from professional writers. It's bundled with a cd that serves as a companion piece to it. Here's some of it:
and because god loved her so much
and his heart ached for all she'd endured
he granted her 2 sets of wings
Quarter to two. Left me in disconnected phone messages... static recordings, reaching to machines. But I hold the dead air anyway... and cradle it like your ghost. Like the frost that's collected under my fingernails. Scraping at your grave.
I don't pretend that these words would move you even a quarter of an inch off your disposition; That there's some sort of empathy that will make us understand eachother. Banging our worries away until we're nothing but one giant genital humping itself into exhaustion. Do you feel my heart beating in it all, my face flush and eyes exploding.
And the emptiness adds up like the broken bottles and crushed petals of ex-lover's flowers that trail back and forth in this place, tracing my pacing, as i struggle everlong to find you; Pressing my ears against these walls. Silent for hours. Some naked sentiment you can't find in my pleads and sad eyes. That somehow agitates and pushes you further away.
Still I remain, so lonesome I'd beg a bum for conversation, humping everyone into submission, and longing, missing those I really want to be with. Who've left me like some low priority job piling up in my cublicle of white collar hell.
And you whisper into my ear
And I daydream about bursting into a thousand shards of light with you, sprouting wings and flying into some form of heaven on earth. That only you and I can contain. That's far away from my boss, and my loss, and feeling lost. Not home at home, not anywhere in fact. Now I live on my own calendar that's punctuated with meaningless sex and lonely drunken sessions that string together in some confusing limbo of nothing.
But I have a light that leads my way... and it's so fragile. It's more delicate than a brittle heart that would crumble under some stranger's hope. It's beyond whetever sentiment you could imagine to concoct. it's more real than how you see yourself in the mirror staring back at your insecurities. That I kiss away in some pornographic fantasy that's just 2 feet away from reality, from feeling free, which you will never be. So long as you're constantly pulling at the anchor of me.
Such Blinding Stars For Starving Eyes
Stress
The Little Prince Pg. 63-64
"Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart.
Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
"Anything essential is invisible to the eyes," the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important"
"It's the time I spent on my rose..." the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"People have forgotten this truth," the fox said.
"But you mustn't forget it. You become responsible forever for what you've tamed.
You're responsible for your rose..."
"I'm responsible for my rose...." the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
Jenova's Witness. Nuclear heart
Love is all you really need.
Devics
http://72.41.1.117/upload/alone_with_you.mp3
"Alone With You"
Something has to change,
Something has to give.
I could rearrange my mind
And what I did.
If I were to choose,
Either way I lose.
I could be alone
Or be alone with you.
Empty space
To fill an empty place.
Everything I see
Is meaningless to me.
If it's how you feel,
Then it's real.
Was I wrong
To just go on and on?
You never knew that I was gone.
What does that say of me?
You never thought that I
Only needed you just for a little while.
Empty space
To fill the empty place.
Everything I see is meaningless to me.
You make me tired,
Life wants to live,
You just want to watch it
Devics
http://www.dirkeffertz.com/mp3s/shell/citylights.mp3
"City Lights"
here, here
let’s just stay here
you should love me here
here, here
let’s just stay here
I should love you dear
When the wind comes
And the sun again my love
I’ll be here
I found a way true
In silence with you
What do you hear
And what do you want to hear
Here, here
Get me out of here
Wake me under city lights
An apple and a kiss on my ear
Fly like days
Let time erase
All our mistakes
I found a way true
In silence with you
What do you hear
And what do you want to hear
Devics
http://www.dirkeffertz.com/mp3s/shell/distantradio.mp3
"Distant Radio"
They say you walk closely to the ground
To the ground
They say you hear voices
Singing wires ease your pain
Balancing on poles and chains
Distant waves on the radio
It’s the sound of the weeping
Distant waves on the radio
And they're calling out your name
They say you walk close to the ground
To the ground
So that you can always hear
Distant whispers in your ear
Distant waves on the radio
It’s the sound of the weeping
Distant waves on the radio
And they're calling out your name
And I’m leaving tonight
Gonna get what is mine
Voices lead to no good
Voices want to have you
Distant waves on the radio
It’s the sound of the weeping
Distant waves on the radio
And they're calling out to you
Monsters Are Waiting
http://myspace.com/monstersarewaiting
"Nobody"
Converge
http://www.dirkeffertz.com/mp3s/shell/m ... stator.mp3
"My Great Devastator"
No - I'll lay half empty, half finished,
half written, until my end
I'll leave the lights on just in case
you want to be found again
To the dead, I wrote you countless letters
dear only some I sent
How easy it was for silence to say
some of the loudest of things
To speak so effortlessly the words and syllables
that can crush in an instant
To our end, to the dear departed
Are you my last chance or the first chapter
in the greatest fable ever told
For the rope is getting shorter and these days
they are getting longer with every ghosts I find
They leave no heart unbroken
my great devastator
To our end, to the dear departed
Are you my last chance or the first chapter
in the greatest fable ever told
I'll leave the lights on just in case
you want to be found again
My great devastator
Denali
http://www.dirkeffertz.com/mp3s/shell/nullaby.mp3
"Nullaby"
A total incision cuts apart
Inject the living, don't you breath too hard
No lines to rehearse, no spell, no curse
It's all or nothing to wait til tomorrow
Before you take it in under your heavy hand
Before you get pinned for nothing
A light goes farther away, go away
Take this body to study and know its name
A timeless face will haunt you
Don't you worry it's just for a lifetime
Before you take it in under your heavy hand
Bofore you get pinned for nothing
Look around
Portishead
http://www.dirkeffertz.com/mp3s/shell/roads.mp3
"Roads"
Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
Storm.. in the morning light
I feel
No more can I say
Frozen to myself
I got nobody on my side
And surely that ain't right
And surely that ain't right
Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
